Good and bad things

I had a great day last Friday. True to pattern, I then had a horrible day on Saturday. I was tired and cranky and miserable. All I could think about all day was Starbucks soy lattes.

I feel like a junkie sometimes. Like a recovering crackhead, or at least an alcoholic. When things get really bad all I think about is going to Starbucks, like an alcoholic thinking the bar is the only solution.

But I'm happy to report I've been seeing glimmers of hope. Like I said, Friday was good. I almost went to hang out with some friends, which I haven't done in a while, but I was afraid I'd push myself. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope. It's such an insanely delicate balance that I don't want to do anything that would push me over the edge. I'm not about to overdo anything.

I've noticed some major differences in the last week. My body seems to be reacting more...normally. I actually had a drop in blood sugar and got really lightheaded and fuzzy. I had always heard people talk about when they get really hungry they "can't think" and I had never experienced anything like that. I now believe that I was on a constant sugar high so my body never got to that point. Well it happened. My blood sugar got low, I got really hungry, and I couldn't think. I was spaced out and confused. It was really weird. I was at the grocery store, and as soon as I saw some candy I wanted it and I knew I was in trouble so I left. Again, like a junkie.

I, also for the first time, got a little bit of a buzz from drinking kombucha. My Mom's been making kombucha for years. I've never really liked it much, I was usually always grossed out by it, but I would drink a little bit sometimes. Obviously, with my tastes changing so much recently, I've started liking it. But so many people have always said kombucha gives them a little bit of a buzz, almost like alcohol. I never got that. Probably because my tolerance was too high from drinking too much. Well, that's no longer an issue. I think it's been just about a month since I've had a drink, but I can't actually remember exactly when it was. Now my new buzz is kombucha and water kefir. That's another new thing. I love water kefir. I drank a lot of it instead of beer on Memorial Day. And best of all, no hangover!

I've also noticed a change in my appetite. It could just be the warm weather, that usually happens. But it could also be the quality of food I'm eating. You don't need as much real food. You can't even force yourself to overeat it. It's the strangest thing. You eat as much as you need and that's it, you don't want anymore. It also has been keeping me sustained longer. It's pretty amazing.