Keep on keeping on

It's easy to be discouraged right now. I lost one of my jobs, simply because I am always exhausted and useless. I called out once, I flaked out once, and I tried to go in and realized I was too tired to do anything once I got there. On top of that, my Mom has been working really hard preparing meals and cleaning and cooking and whatnot, and I hardly ever help her because I'm too tired.

My doctor said my adrenals are trying to recover. My adrenals were weak to begin with, and the stress of dealing with asthma all through childhood stressed them out more. Then I put them through more stress by drinking tons of coffee for the last 15 years or so. My adrenals are finally being left alone so they can heal. This is why I've been so tired and I've been sleeping so much.

My Mom often tells a story about how I was covered in excema from head to toe when I was a baby. I was 6 months old and I was adjusted by a chiroprcator for the first time. As soon as he adjusted me I took a deep sigh and I fell asleep for 18 hours. When I woke up my skin was pink and starting to heal. When I was a little bit older I started having asthma attacks, which my parents didn't even recognize as asthma. They called it "breathing funny" - my breath would get shallow and fast. When I had an attack I would breathe funny and I would fall asleep and sleep for 18-20 hours, and then wake up and be fine.

This is obviously what's going on with me now. A state of recovery and healing where my body needs tons of sleep. It's scary to realize how sick I've actually been, and been in denial of. A lot of the sickness I had nothing to do with, I was born with it. But there's also sickness that I've given to myself by filling my body with toxins, again in denial of what these toxins were doing to me.

So this is all part of the "listening to my body" thing that I've been hearing people talk about and this is what I've been wanting to work towards. I used to be angry with myself for sleeping so much. I used to be angry if I couldn't accomplish 800 things in a day like "normal" people seem to do, that I get overwhelmed and need rest all the time. So I'm giving into that and giving my body what it's telling me I need. My connection to my body has really gotten better. I'm sorry that my body has had so much to deal with and fight against, and that I've made it worse. It's time for my body to be the winner.

My doctor gave me adrenal supplements. I'm waiting for them to kick in. I felt really good for about half the day today, then I crashed again.