Temptation

"Happy is the man who doesn't give in and do wrong when he is tempted"

James 1:12

As if I didn't test myself enough yesterday, I forced myself to confront more temptation today. I got together with some girlfriends I hadn't seen in a while for a night of girl talk and movies. Of course this involves food.

We all know that social interactions almost always involve food. People get together and eat, it's just what we do. This has always been a challenge for me because of my food allergies. I'm allergic to milk (which includes butter and cheese and any other milk based food,) eggs, nuts, and seeds. So I'm used to always asking ingredients or reading ingredient labes and I'm used to avoiding things.

The thing was besides what I was allergic to, I never avoided any other foods. Literally. If I could eat it, I would. I was never really one to practice moderation, and that went for alcohol aso, which is also usually in attendance at social gatherings. Obviously none of this was good for my health, not to mention my waist line.

I went into this knowing I would be tempted. I brought something I had baked - rhubarb crumb bar - as my gift to the hostess, but I knew I would not be eating any of it. I brought myself a small sheep yogurt and a banana, just in case there was nothing I could snack on. Much to my delight my hostess was considerate of my allergies (though she wasn't aware of my new 2 day old diet) and the allergies of another friend and she made an effort to have heatlhy, non-allergy inducing food. There was fruit. There was popcorn. There were freshly baked kale chips. The kale chips were super delicious and surprisingly satisfying.

There were pretzels and pita bread, both of which I love and I can't currently eat because of grains/carbs/whatever. Those were hard to ignore. There was also the rhubarb crumb bar, which I had made before and which I know to be extremely delicious. But as I said yesterday, I have made the decision to do this, to not give in to these temptations that I know are dangerous to me. Which includes alcohol.

This was very difficult. I enjoy a nice drink or two. My alcohol comsumption has been a problem, because it's always done nothing but make me more depressed but at the time I think it's making me feel better. We all know the story. Of course I would never actually label it and say "I'm an alcoholic." I would stop drinking for a few weeks at a time or I would cut back a lot and have a period where I would be very moderate, and then I would drink too much too often again. Just very very bad habits. But even if I was being moderate, I would always have a glass of wine if it was being offered. No more.

My doctor said my liver is weak. I was probably born with a weak liver. My first thought was "I need to stop drinking." I will miss it, almost as much as I miss coffee, but I keep thinking about my liver. I keep thinking about all that it's been through and all that I've put it through - and for what? To have a little buzz? My mindset has suddenly shifted. Perhaps this is what they call growing up. I realize the price I'd pay in the long run is not worth the momentary high. Not anywhere near worth it.

I made it through the night without having any wine or rhubarb crumb bar or pretzels. I did feel like I was missing out a little bit, but I kept reminding myself why I was missing out. I know what's right for me and I need to remain strong in that. I felt an incredible sense of accomplishment for that.